Consider this excerpt from an article on Christianity Today (see http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2014/september/midlife-church-crisis.html for full article):
"A while ago, my husband and I went to a newcomers’ luncheon at a church we were considering attending. We watched as church staff, almost all in their early- to mid-30s, schmoozed with the young families. While I recognize the demands at these types of events, only one staff member connected with the newcomers who were obviously the oldest people in the room. We left the gathering feeling like we’d become an anachronistic punch line.
I’ve had one too many conversations with empty-nester peers about what it’s like to go to church once our kids are grown and gone. Our midlife crisis of faith came from questioning not our beliefs, but our role in the body of Christ."
Consider our discussion of Fowler's predicted faith stage for midlife adults, and your understanding of their developmental concerns according to Fowler. How does this complaint fit with what we know about this life stage? How might the church intervene?
I’ve had one too many conversations with empty-nester peers about what it’s like to go to church once our kids are grown and gone. Our midlife crisis of faith came from questioning not our beliefs, but our role in the body of Christ."
Consider our discussion of Fowler's predicted faith stage for midlife adults, and your understanding of their developmental concerns according to Fowler. How does this complaint fit with what we know about this life stage? How might the church intervene?
This is the stage where we develop a deeper connections to others but are in danger of becoming overwhelmed. We can get burned out and possibly leave the church. The problem for this couple is that they were not made to feel welcomed and a part of the overall group. The church has to recognized that this group is important because they are mature and can add much to the congregation. If they are not given a sense of belonging at the outset, as in the example, they could leave the church or worse become so disheartened that they leave the faith.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this couple should be in stage 5 (being open to new ways and generating dialogue), they were sitting and waiting for people to approach them. Usually these settings afford the opportunity to socialize with new people. The couple may have felt a bit insecure, because there was no attempt to ask questions. I see them in stage 4, with having faith, but having difficulty with transitioning and finding it hard connecting with others. The church could be more proactive by seeking out the older persons to share their experiences, for the benefit of the younger people. I am all for trying to bridge the gap between the old and young to produce a win/win result.
ReplyDeleteCarolyn L. Jones
This couple appears to be in stage 4 according to Fowler. It appeared that at the social event the younger families all related to each other while the older couple obviously felt out of place. The church has an obligation to its new members, whether at a corporate worship service or a church social event to make them feel welcome. Sometimes people will develop "cliques" without realizing the exclusion that they may be creating. When we are intentional about creating a climate of acceptance then it naturally flows. Not to say that there will not be some bumps in the road. But the interaction will be a lot smoother.
ReplyDeleteSharon Nichols
Transitioning into the stage of midlife adulthood is a phase that can be difficult for some to adapt to due to issues related to change. This is especially the case if an individual has found him or herself faced with a devastating loss in their life, whether it be a spouse, partner, job or good health. We see this happening more and more in this day in time, which is probably stemming from challenging economic conditions. However, being a part of this age group, I have found that most in this group seem to welcome this transitioning period. Being empty-nesters, they see it as a time of new beginnings and a time to embark on new directions. They seem to have peace within themselves, along with more drive to pursue their dreams. It is critical that Churches provide programs to support the quality of life for this age group. These type of programs tend to provide a great social network for them and assures them of still being a value to the church membership.
ReplyDeleteNaomi B. Powell
October 31, 2014
The couple should bear some responsibility of not being engaged in the event. sometimes we look at clicks in the church as if it's something bad, but clicks aren't all ways bad. We must ask our selves why aren't we part of the click. This couple must first show themselves to be friendly first, then others will engage them. It was the responsibility of the current church members to approach them and make the new couple feel welcome, but a adults that dose not all ways happen. There faith in good wasn't shaken but there faith in the church was. As members of the church we must remember that fellowship is very important in the body of Christ, people need to feel a since of belonging. I think this church missed a great opportunity to gain new members.
ReplyDeleteDarrin L. Hill
October 31, 2014
I believe Fowler recognized this situation as being between stage 2 and stage3 of human development or mid life transition. Because I am in this stage that Fowler talks about ,what I have tried to do within our church setting is development age appropriate grouping. like Sunday School,Bible study ,or brake out sessions.No matter what age group one might be in now ,all of us will one day have to face the fact that we are getting older ,and our children will want to be on their own.
ReplyDeleteIn life we sometimes are forced to adapt to conditions, or avoid them all together.
This is unfortunate but, true.
Rudolph Smith
What I find the most interesting is that depending on one's perspective, this couple could be viewed as being in 2 or 3 different stages. They could potentially be viewed as loyalists, definitely critics, or even seers. I think stage 4 describes them best; however, I could see how one could plead their case for stages 3 or 5. They're open to something new, as are most people in stage 5, but they also seem like they're relying on the authorities of this new church for confirmation on what to believe about their new experience just as someone in stage 3 would. Their criticism of the whole process is more than obvious, so again, stage 4 is probably the most accurate in my opinion. Although, the church should partake in some level of intervention that addresses or encourages the leaders of this ministry to embrace everyone from 2 to 92 equally and sincerely. The hardest part is that you just can't satisfy everyone. So even if the church were to intervene, then maybe the younger couples may not feel as excited or feel as welcome. Interestingly enough, just like in the video about the children with the graham cracker vs. the Cheerios, we inherently gravitate to those most like us; therefore, no one essentially did anything "wrong" in this case. It seems to be more so a matter of perspective.
ReplyDeleteI believe that it is very uncomfortable to go into anywhere expecting to be embraced and in actuality you leave feeling neglected. When in church I think it is important to try to make every individual feel comfortable. Unfortunately, when there are larger groups of people it is very hard to have one-on-one interaction with everyone the way they see fit. I think Stage 5, conjuctive fits this couple because they are seers. They are in search of a more detailed purpose or group in their walk with God specified to meet their needs. They do not have all the details on what exactly they are looking for, but they know for sure they want to be a part. This is a great post because persons often come to church and feel this way so now that it has been brought to our attention, we are responsible for having age appropriate greeters, meetings, and ministries for our mid-life individuals and families.
ReplyDeleteTaylor D. Brown
I believe this couple would be in stage 5 of fowlers stages of faith. The fact that they attended the new members luncheon meant that they were open to something new. I am sure the couple went their with the expectation of dialoging with the people. Unfortunately the sponsors of the event were not as inclusive as they needed to be for such an occasion . We as leaders and the church on a whole must remember and plan for people who are aging in our congregations. It is imperative that their needs are met physically, emotionally and spiritually. We must make sure they feel apart and are connected to the whole. It is important that we remember that our aging population is the foundation of what we are building upon.
ReplyDeleteJanice Mitchell